How are you feeling about your body these days?
“My body is beautiful” is my always default response. Sometimes I definitely believe it - other times I really don't. Not because of how I actually see myself, but because there are days when I need a little reminder.
What do you sometimes need to remind yourself of?
That it’s not just about appearance — my body is not here just for show. It’s spiritual. It’s capable. It carries me through life, speaks to me in its own special language, helps me physically express my emotions, stands tall in the midst of trauma. So, even if I don’t feelbeautiful, I will always say my body is beautiful. It deserves nothing less.
Do you feel this confidence when you’re naked, too?
Yes, I love being naked! It gives me a huge sense of freedom. Being naked around the house is great because it helps me feel comfortable about my body. I do have my moments, though. I sometimes feel hesitant to “let out” my breasts — they’re big and I sometimes feel like I need to hide them. But, this summer I’ve been letting them out when I go for a swim. It’s so liberating.
Free your boobs — that’s what we’re all about! Tell us about your sexuality.
My sexuality has definitely become more nuanced over the years. Growing up as a black woman, my sexuality was decided for me before I even got into my own flow. It was decided that I’m untamed, hypersexual. In the beginning I found it delightfully easy to play into that role, but it quickly became extremely dehumanizing. When I was younger, sex was an exchange for love and validation. Now I’ve learned that it’s about expressing love that’s already there.
What was the turning point for you?
When I met my partner three years ago. I felt this safe space where I could be free about my emotions and how it connects with my sexuality. My sexuality has since then become a part of me worth exploring. I am figuring out what sex means to me and what I want from it — discovering why I sometimes go weeks without wanting it and sometimes can’t go a day without it; finding the balance between sexual validation from the outside and sexual validation from myself; learning the importance of sex with myself as an element of self-care and self-love. It’s a whole journey and is still a work in progress.
And what about sex with yourself… masturbation?
I masturbate often and mostly with toys. I see masturbation as “me time” so that I can connect with my body. Like I said, it’s my self-care, especially when I’m stressed out. As for the toys, it’s something I’ve just recently started using — both by myself and in bed with my partner. For most of my adult life, it has been very taboo for me to explore, so maybe I also haven’t really been ready until recently. Nonetheless, it’s been a big step in exploring my sexuality.
Sex with others vs. sex with yourself — speak on it.
I need energy to have sex with others, and I get that energy from having sex with myself. When I have sex with others, I give something of myself emotionally and I, of course, expect that same energy from the person. Even if it’s just a one-night stand. At the end of the day, masturbation is about reloading mental energy, so I guess you could say I need it in order to have pleasurable sex with others.
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